Holy Landfills Development Corporation
544 Camp Street
New Orleans, La.
Sometimes great ideas come from the most casual observations. Like every kid noticing South America and Africa fit together on the map led to the concept of continental drift. In my case it was being stuck at a cross walk facing the Pacific Ocean and thinking “Why does route 66 have to stop at the Santa Monica Pier?”
I think it’s pretty obvious, things are getting a bit crowded. From sea to shining sea doesn’t seem that big any more with ramshackle houses going for stacks of money and lines for everything long enough to make a Russian feel right at home. It’s enough to make Frederick Jackson Turner turn over in his grave. What do you do when the frontier has been obliterated by a rash of minimalls as virulent as any Ebola virus. In the best American tradition you build another frontier
What ever happened to those great engineering feats of yesteryear? Sure going to Mars is a neat trick, but it’s really only fun for a few people in funny suits. I’m talking about something for the nonastronaut. I’m talking about a freeway to Asia. That’s right. So you and I can wake up one morning and say, nothing’s doing, what the hell I think I’ll drive to China today.
Really. And not the easy way across the Aleutians. When the wind’s right you can practically spit from Alaska to Siberia. No big challenge there.
It’ll begin with a pilot program called Pave the Bay and build from there. I already hear the screams of alarm that we’d be ruining our pristine coastline. I don’t know about your beachfront, but pristine around here includes among other things Styrofoam and pop tops.
But say you are lucky to live in a flotsamless and jetsamless environment. Face it, it’s inevitable that sooner or later a supertanker will do an Exxon Valdez and deposit its load of oil in your coastal Eden. Goodbye Eden, hello LaBrea Tar Pits.
So since pristine is on the way out anyway, why not replace it with something grand and definitely 21st century. And skip tunnels please, we’re not gophers. Naturally with a drive of this magnitude, you’ll need a rest stop or two. But that’s the beauty of the concept. In no time gas stations and u-totems will spring up along the highway and soon small towns and then, well you get the picture. Since 2/3 of the earth’s surface is ocean, they’ll be room to have beach front for everyone.
What can I say? Flying is alright if you like spending your life in a baggage claim and the information highway is alright if you prefer warming silicon chips with your fingers to enjoying the sweet smell of sea air, having the wind in your hair, and watching the American continent disappear in your rearview. Talk about getting your kicks on route 66.
