Rewriting History is Our Business
544 Camp St.
New Orleans, La.
Hello, I'm Stanley Orwell, owner and operator of The Orwell Touch. So there's no confusion, I'm no relation to George Orwell. He's the writer, I'm the rewriter. You know it was Mark Twain who said "There's nothing older than yesterday's newspaper." And who wouldn't agree. And yet modern life has gone Mr. Clemens one better. "There's nothing older than yesterday."
Now I'm not ready to stand shoulder to shoulder with Mr. Fukuyama and announce the end of history. Just the end of our remembering it. So who cares I hear you asking, why not say good riddance and move on? Because you're leaving behind a vast, cheap, virtually untapped source of product. Sure the past is obsolete, but where else can you get great speechs, great ad slogans, great songs and great movies practically for the asking. You know how expensive and time consuming it is to create new material. And what material. You're lucky to get ten seconds of coherent English for a soundbite. Follow me a little longer and I can show you the way to effortlessly put money in your pocket.
Say you have a chance to pick up the rights to Winston Churchill's speeches for a song. This would include his famous Fulton, Missouri speech. It was a crowd pleaser that coined the term Iron Curtain and started the cold war. So what good is owning a great speech when your potential customers don't remember the difference between the Iron Curtain and a shower curtain and the Berlin Wall and the Berlin Walmart. This is where The Orwell Touch comes in.
"From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic a Golden Arch has descended across the Continent. Behind that line lie all the capitals of the ancient states of Central and Eastern Europe. Warsaw, Berlin, Prague, Vienna, Budapest, Belgrade, Bucharest and Sofia; all these famous cities and the populations around them lie in what I must call the Ronald McDonald sphere..."
I guarantee the next mass demonstration in Picadilly or Madrid will be dying to buy it from you. And the beauty of it all is that since no one remembers the original you can make all the changes your heart desires.
I hear what you're thinking. That's all well and good and quite hypothetical. Well let me give you a concrete example from our success book. Recently a Hollywood studio approached us about a possible re-release of "The Graduate". Seems they test marketed it and the audience did more shifting in their seats than Dale Earnhardt Jr. And why not. It just didn't speak to them. Enter The Orwell Touch.
Mr. McGuire: I just want to say one word to you - just one word.
Ben: Yes sir.
Mr. McGuire: Are you listening?
Ben: Yes I am.
Mr. McGuire: 'Plastics.'
Ben: Exactly how do you mean?
Mr. McGuire: There's a great future in plastics. Think about it. Will you think about it?
Ben (ecstatically): Yes I certainly will. I had no idea it still had so much upside potential.
Some other Orwell Touchs and Benjamin makes a bundle in Plastics and gets the girl. Here are a few other well known Orwell Touchs.
The truth shall set you free from your job.
Remember the Alamo, but try Avis first.
And the piece de resistance, a song for a client with the upcoming Republican convention. I just applied The Orwell Touch to an archaic Beatles song.
Yesterday all my profits seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're there here to stay
Oh I believe in yesterday.